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The straight scoop from
Colonel Mustard

Week of Nov. 17, 1996

OK, so I'll never doubt Ahman's word again. On the soggy sod up there in Ames, he showed he is indeed healthy again. But the day's biggest upset wasn't that he buried Troy Davis in rushing yardage, or that our offense was in gear from the get-go for a change. It was that the Blackshirts actually gave up a touchdown -- just the second one against our first unit since September. I could hardly believe it was happening, but I guess it was as good a time as any to use up our monthly quota.

The wind and rain and cold made it a tough day for passing, so I'll cut our QB some slack this time. But I can no longer remain silent about the Pinnacle radio team. The name itself oozes irony.

  • Warren Swain: First tell us where the ball is, then give us all the gory details. Oh, and congratulations on acquiring a pulse.
  • Adrian Fiala: Is there anything rattling around in that head of yours that isn't a cliche?
  • Tommie Frazier: I'm praying hard that you get healthy and stay healthy, because you were born to tote a pigskin, not a microphone.
  • Jerry Tagge: Back in '70 and '71 you were surrounded by loads of talent, but not now. How does it feel to be carrying this team?

So now the CU Vermin are coming to town, and suddenly they're feeling special because they beat the Mildcats by a dozen. Aw, let's just play along and let 'em dream. After all, they're harmless -- all those mountains, but no stones. They had their hands full against the 'Cats and the 'Clones at home, and now they're gonna stick it to the Huskers in Lincoln? Right -- and Dick Lamm is our next president! CU has come up with the perfect motivational chant, "Nine-deuce." It's in honor of their seniors, the recruiting class of '92. It fits them like a nifty Neuheisel turtleneck, because ya know what their record will be after they scrape Detmer off the Memorial Stadium rug and head off for yet another second-rate bowl? That's right: nine and two.
-- The Colonel



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