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H U S K E R    D A N
 
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A HUSKER FAN WHEN:
*You would never even THINK of planning anything that would conflict with a Husker game.
*You wouldn't even THINK of attending an event that conflicts with a Husker game.
*You name your kid Red.
*You live in Canada, but you have Husker personalized plates.
*You are stationed in Iraq but are up all night watching the Husker games live via satellite.
*You know how to pronounce Tom Osborne's last name.
*You know how to pronounce Bob Devaney's last name.
*After 3 hours of tailgating, you can't pronounce your own last name.
*During Husker televised games, you turn down the volume on the TV to listen to the radio broadcast.
*You live in Butte, Montana, but call your uncle in Lincoln during Husker games and he puts the phone next to the radio so you can listen to the radio play-by-play.
*You join Californians (Oregonians, Texans, Floridians, Alaskans etc.) for Nebraska and go to their designated bars to watch all Husker televised games.
*You know where Jim Rose went to high school.
*After 3 hours of tailgating, you can't remember where you went to high school.
*You know the words to "The Band Song".
*You know the words to "There Is No Place Like Nebraska".
*You know the words to "Hail Varsity".
After 3 hours of tailgating, you can't hail a cab.
*You log on to huskerpedia.com more than 5 times a day.
*You write Husker Dan on huskerpedia...
*Husker Dan actually has answered one of your emails...
*You've written Aunt Rosie for advice.
*Aunt Rosie has actually answered one of your stupid letters.
*You believe Aunt Rosie is real.
*You want to date Aunt Rosie.
*You think Aunt Rosie is "hot".
*You try to call in to "The Chip Chuckley Show".
*You actually get on "The Chip Chuckley Show".
*You know who George Flippin was.
*You remember who the Husker head coach was before Bob Devaney.
*You know that SOB stands for "Sweet Old Bob."
*If you are old enough, you know where you were November 25, 1971.
*You've been to a Husker home game and sat by yourself.
*The only friends you have speak Husker.
*You think Bo Pelini is a lock to be the next Husker head coach.
*You actually go to Husker home games to see such doofus teams as Baylor, McNeese State, Kansas and Akron play.
*You actually know that Akron's nickname is the Zips.
*You actually know where Troy State is located.
*You don't have a coat, sweater, shirt or jacket without the Husker logo on it.
*The veins in your forehead pop out when someone criticizes Tom Osborne for his handling of Lawrence Phillips.
*You become a Packer fan because Ahman Green is their starting running back.
*You know the Huskers' 3rd string offensive tackle on the '94 team, but can't remember where you put your car keys this morning.
*You know how to pronounce Beatrice, Nebraska.
*You've actually been to Beatrice.
*You grew up in Beatrice.
*You know Bobby Hohn's jersey number.
*You can pronounce Patrick Kabongo's real first name.
*You know Eric Crouch's middle name.
*You know Eric Crouch's high school jersey number.
*You know Eric Crouch's favorite NFL team.
*You know that NFL stands means Not For Long.
*You chew Big Red gum.
*You write a dippy column for huskerpedia.com.
*You've been to Nebraska.
*You grew up in Nebraska.
*You've driven through Nebraska.
*You can locate Nebraska on a map.
*You actually own a map.
*You've taped all the Husker televised games over the past 20 plus years but you've never watched any of them.
*You watched "Husker Century Part I, II and III".
*You have copies of the above.
*You know who Al Zikmund is.
*You know who Forest Behm is.
*You know the words to "Come A Runnin' Boys".
*You know the Huskers used to be called the Bugeaters, Rattlesnake Boys, the Old Golden Knights and the Antelopes.
*On huskerpedia.com, you vote for a Husker cheerleader, whom you've never heard of, for a contest you don't know squat about, just because she's a Cornhusker.
*You read articles such as "You Know You're A Husker Fan When:"
 
You can write Husker Dan at huskerdan@cox.net.