H U S K E R D A N
A car pulls up to a banner-lined lot with a sign over a flat-roofed building that says:
"BIG AL'S KAR KING EMPORIUM"
Below it is the company's slogan:
"If you buy a car from us, you'd buy one from anybody!"
The figure gets out of his car and is met by one of Big Al's henchmen.
"So howyadoin' taday?" the salesman asks.
"Not bad", the man replies. "I need a new vehicle real bad."
"Well, pal, you've come to the right place. The name's Earl. What's yours?"
"You don't know my name?"
"Hmmm, I'm just guessing, Shorty?"
"Ahh, no. Just call me Frank."
"What kind of a machine you lookin' for, Mr. Frank?"
"Frank is my first name."
"The one I have just doesn't have enough ummph anymore. I need one that can be taken on long drives to places like Texas, Colorado and Missouri and can go all the way. Something that can pass when we have to, something that'll work when we're in a rush, something that doesn't run out of gas late in the day, something that will go an entire season and won't stall. I almost lost my job last year because of the dog I have".
"I see. Well, today's your lucky day! Have I got the car for you! We just got this baby on a trade-in. She's a real beaut. It's a 2003 Big Red O-mobile."
"No offense, but, without question, at this point in time, it looks exactly like my 2002 O-mobile."
"Ahh, but this one's new and improved. Take her for a test drive and you'll see. They don't call us the Kar King for nothing."
"Well, how'd you like her, Mr. Frank?"
"It's Frank, just plain Frank".
"Well, when I was going down hill, the car went okay, but when there was any kind of a resistance, it would bog down, sputter and almost kill. And then when I tried to pass, it just wouldn't go. And another thing, the tires are almost bald. This one's as bad, if not worse than the one I have."
"Ooops, my fault. I forgot. What was I thinking! This baby's scheduled for an overhaul, a tune-up, and it's gonna get four brand-spankin' new tires. Two of best men will be all over it today. Trust me on this one. When do you need it?"
"I could have used it last Saturday but I really need it by September 13th. Can you have it fixed by then?"
"No prob-blame-o. These things take time, but you can trust me on this one".
"Actually, I'll probably need two vehicles. What else you got?"
"We just got this little cream puff in on a trade last week. We got this from Green Bay, I think. A real macho car, if you know what I mean. It's an Italian SUV, a 2003 Bo-mobile, series D. This baby is fast, lean and mean. Maybe it's not sexy, but this sucker has 4 wheel drive, all wheel drive, 20" wheels, cruise, Global positioning, the works. It has a tow bar if your other vehicle gets stuck. Even comes with a snowplow. This puppy will bail you out every time, in any kind of weather. You'll never get stuck or run off the road with this baby!"
"How much does it cost?"
"Cost, Schmawhst! We're talkin' value, pal. Value!"
"I'll tell ya what, since you're a nice guy, I'll let ya have both of 'em for two hundred grand. How's that? Deals like this just don't happen every day, Mr. Frank".
"It's plain Frank."
"Whatever. We gotta deal?"
"I guess so. So you'll have the O-mobile ready by the 13th?"
"Right. You can trust me on this one, Mr. Frank."
You can write Husker Dan at email@example.com