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H U S K E R D A N
For those of you who are old enough, there was a
"Tonight Show" host BEFORE Jay Leno. Nebraska's own Johnny Carson (UNL
alumnus) hosted the show for about 25 years before Leno's debut. One
of Carson's many characters, was "Carnac The
Magnificent."
We were able to get Johnny and Ed to do a special
Husker Encore performance of this classic bit. We hope you like
it.
CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT
ED MCMAHON: And now, ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome the all-knowing, the all-caring, the all-seeing, and
former part time gas station attendant, CARNAC THE
MAGNIFICENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Applause as east Indian music plays. Carnac
enters wearing a robe and turban, trips on the steps and crashes into
his desk. The audience applauds enthusiastically at his
fall.)
CARNAC: (After he collecting himself, he
looks at the audience and says) May a sick camel leave a deposit in your
yogurt.
(Laughter)
ED: Are you okay?
CARNAC: Carnac fine.
ED: You know how this game is played.
Carnac The Magnificent, with his mystic and sometime
borderline powers will tell us the answers
BEFORE he reads the questions!! I hold in my hand, the envelopes
containing the questions. These envelopes have been hermetically sealed in
a mayonnaise jar and stored at Funk & Wagnall's since NOON to day! NO
ONE, NOT EVENT THE GREAT CARNAC has seen them! Are you ready to
play?
CARNAC: Carnac ready.
ED: I hold in my hands, envelope number
one.
(Ed gives the envelope to Carnac. Carnac
holds it to his forehead and closes his eyes.)
CARNAC: Carnac must have absolute
silence.
ED: (Says,quietly) Hermetically
sealed.....mayonnaise jar.....noon today.....
CARNAC: "A Sea of
Red"
ED: "A Sea of Red"
(Carnac opens the envelope)
CARNAC: What do you call a Tom Osborne
look-alike convention?
(Audience groans)
ED: Envelope number two.
(Carnac puts the envelope to his head, closes his
eyes and slowly dozes off....)
ED: Carnac? Carnac?
(Carnac wakes up, startled.)
CARNAC: Carnac have rough night last
night."Barrett Ruud, Brent
Mussberger and Elmer"
ED: "Barrett Ruud, Brent Mussberger and
Elmer"
CARNAC: (Looking at Ed) I just
said that.
(Carnac opens the envelope.)
Name a stud, a dud and a Fudd.
(Laughter)
ED: I hold in my hands the next
envelope.
(Carnac opens it, holds it to his head and concentrates.)
Carnac must have absolute silence."The Texas Longhorns, Coach
Pelini and Heidi Fleiss"
ED: "The Texas Longhorns, Coach Pelini and
Heidi Fleiss"
(Carnac glares at Ed. Carnac opens the
envelope.)
Name a foe, a Bo and a ho.
(The audience laughs.)
ED: Envelope number four.
(Carnac holds the envelope to his
head.)"Frank Solich, a hot air
balloon and Ross Perot"
ED: "Frank Solich, a hot air balloon and Ross
Perot".
(Carnac opens the envelope.)
Name a shrimp, a blimp and a wimp.
(Audience groans!)
ED: I hold in my hands envelope number
five.
(Carnac holds it to his head and
concentrates.)"Josh Groban, Bill Clinton
and Dave Humm"
ED: "Josh Groban, Bill Clinton and Dave
Humm"
(Carnac opens the envelope)
Name a singer, a swinger and a
slinger.
(Laughter)
ED: The next envelope.
(Carnac holds it to his head.)"Ground
game"
ED: "Ground game"
(Carnac opens the envelope.)
What do you call sausage made out of reindeer?
ED: I hold in my hands, the LAST
envelope!
(The audience cheers and applauds
wildly!!)
CARNAC: (Looking at the audience,
says:)
May a love-starved yak date your
sister.
(Carnac holds the envelope to his
head.)
CARNAC: "Eminen,
Josh Sewell and a Port O' Potty"
ED: "Eminen, Josh Sewell and a Port O'
Potty"
CARNAC: (Carnac opens the envelope.)
Name a rapper, a snapper and a
crapper.
(Audience laughs and applauds. The east
Indian music plays as Carnac leaves the stage.)
You may write Husker
Dan at huskerdan@cox.net To read all his
columns to date, go to the Huskerpedia.com homepage, scroll down toward the
bottom to the line that says "Extras" and scroll to the right to the heading,
"Husker
Dan".
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