YOU'VE SEEN HIM ON TV,
YOU'VE READ HIS BOOKS, YOU'VE SEEN HIM IN THE MOVIES AND ON LATE NIGHT CAR
COMMERCIALS AND CRUMMY VOICE-OVERS. LOOK!!! UP IN THE SKY,
IT'S A BIRD, IT'S A PLANE,
"THE CHIP CHUCKLEY SHOW"
THEME MUSIC BLASTS AWAY TO THE DB LEVELS OF A HARRIER JET AND AN
F-16 ON A COMBAT MISSION IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.
THEME MUSIC, WHICH THIS STATION WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD PLAYING ANY OTHER TIME,
MERCIFULLY STARTS TO FADE FROM ITS CONTACT LENS-BREAKING
Chip: And good evening
everybody and welcome to tonight's edition of "Sports Chat" with your host, Chip
Chuckley. There's a lot to talk about tonight. It was a big weekend
for Husker sports. There was the baseball series with Texas and more
importantly, there was the much anticipated Husker Spring Football Game in
This, of course, was the
first Spring Game of the "New Era". There are new coaches and new schemes
and new hope for the 2003 season.
We want to know what you
thought of the game, the coaches and the players. Are the Huskers on the
right track in their quest to turn things around after last year's dismal 7 and
7 season, or will the Huskers continue to struggle?
The switchboard is lit up
like Baghdad in March. You may call us to-foo, er, toll free at 1-800
SPORTS CHAT. Let's go to our first caller.
Chip: You're on "Sports
Hello? Am I on?
C: This is Brad
from Omaha. I just wanted to say, that if this is the Husker
team that's going to show up this fall, they're going to be
as much fun to watch as a Lori Line-Kenny G-Fabian-Yanni
concert. And if Jammal, the "New and Improved" quarterback, is going
to be counted on to take us to the Promised Land this year, we're going to be in
deep do-do. Lord seems to have picked up where he left off in
the Liberty Bowl. That's the bad news.
CC: Do you think Curt
Dukes may earn the starting position?
Yeah, and I might climb Mt. Everest on a pogo stick. Coach ain't
going to put his career on the line with a redshirt freshman. No way,
CC: What about Garth
Glissman? Do you think he has a chance?
C: Oh you
bet! Listen Chippy, the only thing that will get a coach fired faster than
starting a redshirt freshman, is starting a walk-on true
CC: Let's go to our
C: Am I
CC: Go ahead, you're
CC: Chip. Go
Ahead, you're on.
Hello. Am I on?
CC: Chip. Go
CC: Chip. (Swears
under his breath) Let's try another caller. Welcome to Sports
C: This is
Darrel from Verdigre. Um, I just wanted to say that the Spring Game was
pretty boring. The defense had no variety-same stupid front all game
long. And defending our sorry butt offense should have been a breeze for
Pelini's weenies. Little Bo Bleep needs to get his act
together. That's all I got to say.
CC: Let's go to our
next caller, Ken from Chadron. Welcome to "Sports
C: I'm a long time
listener, first time caller. I really like your show. You really
tell it like it is. As far as the que bee thing goes, I agree with the
other caller. Jammal is the guy. Glissman and the others don't
stand a chance.
CC: I'm afraid you may
be correct. Let's go to our next caller.
C: Um, this is
Bo, I mean Carl, yeah Carl from Lincoln. I just want to
say to all those people who are trashing the defense, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU
FREAKIN' IDIOTS THINK I, er, WE SHOULD DO? SHOW ALL
OUR FREAKIN' DEFENSIVE SCHEMES? HUH? DO YOU THINK I'M, er, THEY ARE
CRAZY? YOU WANT ME, I mean, THEM TO SHOW LES MILES AND JO PAPPY
WHAT WE'RE GOING TO USE SO THEY CAN HAVE ALL SUMMER TO WORK ON IT? YOU
MUST OUT OF YOUR FREAKIN' MIND! YOU WANT FRONTS? PACKAGES?
STUNTS? THIS FALL, WE'LL HAVE MORE FRONTS THAN THE WEATHER CHANNEL, MORE
PACKAGES THAN FED-X AND MORE STUNTS THAN RINGLING BROTHERS. YOU
PEOPLE MAKE MY BUTT TIRED!! That's all I got to
CC: Wow. That
caller sounded familiar, didn't he? He does make some very good points.
Let's go to our next caller. You're on "Sports
C: This is, um,
G.G. from Lincoln. I think Garth Glissman should be given a chance at
quarterback this fall. The kid is big, has a rocket arm and can
scramble. The kid is tough, too. Did you see the hits
I, er, Garth took Saturday? Give the kid a chance.
The kid's gonna be in the NFL someday. Mark my
CC: We have time for
one more caller. We go to Scott in Omaha. Welcome to "Sports
C: Hey, it's great
to be on. Really like your show. I have a question. Have you
ever gone to Huskerpedia.com?
CC: It's one of my
Well, there's this new guy on there-he writes a column. I think his name
is Husker Dean or something like that. Anyways, he wrote some funny lyrics
to "Take Me Out To The Ballgame". Did you see
CC: No, I'm afraid I
C: Well, I wrote
some lyrics, too. Is it okay to sing them on the
As long as the lyrics are clean. This is a family show, you
I just came from the Spring
Couldn't believe what I
Throwing to Davies to start
to look like the Hurricanes!
For it's try to throw to the
If not, we'll know who to
For it's One, Two, Three
drops you're out,
That's the old
CC: Thanks Scott for
that beautiful rendition! I'm afraid that's all the time we have for
tonight's show. Join us tomorrow for another edition of "Sports Chat"
with your host, Chip Chuckley. Thanks for listening.
(THE SCREECHING THEME SONG RETURNS TO ITS FORMER BONE-JARRING