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Winging It, Vol. 4:
RED LETTER DAY
8.28.02

Greetings, true believer. This is a chain letter. Please, whatever you do, don't break the chain -- send copies of this letter to 15 of your closest friends. If you do so, you'll be rewarded with good fortune for the rest of your life. Or, you could ignore this letter and face the consequences, like the people below. It's all up to you!

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BRENT MUSBURGER chucked this letter into the trash while up in the press box at the Little League World Series. One pitch later, he got smacked in the larynx by a foul ball. Now, it hurts when he screams ... er, broadcasts college football games.

CRAIG BOHL was seen using this letter as a bar napkin at the Boulder Holiday Inn the night before last season's Colorado game.

Rather than preparing his his team for the College World Series, DAVE VAN HORN instead spent the days after Nebraska won its Super Regional forwarding this letter, along with the rest of his mail, to a new address in Fayetteville, Arkansas.

In 1998, RYAN LEAF and CURTIS ENIS both smugly ignored this letter.

Instead of forwarding this letter to 15 people, ABDUL MUHAMMAD made a fake driver's license out of it in an attempt to escape custody. The only problem was that he made the ID to say he was ex-CU Buffalo Rae Carruth.

PAUL SANDERFORD passed only 12 of these letters out -- to his team, as an example of how to take the initiative. And if they didn't like the work of forwarding on their letters -- well, then they could just leave.

Facemask-grabbing former K-State linebacker TRAVIS OCHS said he didn't believe in the power of this letter. One day later, his wife accidentally taped "King of Queens" over his one and only copy of the 1998 Nebraska game.

CARLYLE HOLIDAY wanted to forward this letter on to a number of nice people that he met in Nebraska during his recruiting trip there. Unfortunately, his dad wouldn't let him.

DeANGELO EVANS got a paper cut from this letter and threw it away in disgust. He subsequently lost his job at Kinko's when he told his manager the injury would keep him out of work for four to six to, heck, maybe even eight weeks.

Oklahoma quarterback JASON WHITE was so excited to see this letter that he suddenly tripped, fell to the ground, clutched his knee and rolled around in agony for no apparent reason.

CALVIN JONES wasn't a world-class running back, but he WAS set to be the starting I-back the year the Cornhuskers went on their "Unfinished Business" national championship run. While deciding whether or not to forego his senior year, however, he let this letter blow out of his car and didn't go back to retrieve it.

Thinking it would be more impressive than his actual resume, GEORGE O'LEARY sent this letter to Notre Dame athletic director Kevin White.

The week before the Sooners played in the Cotton Bowl, MARK MANGINO misplaced this letter under a pile of empty Chinese-food takeout containers. Subsequently, he was named the head football coach at the University of Kansas.

BOBBY NEWCOMBE couldn't be bothered with this letter when he received it at the Arizona Cardinals' training camp last year. Now every time he tries to go to sleep or even take a nap, he instantly gets the tune to "There is No Place Like Nebraska" stuck in his head and he can't get it out.

GARY BARNETT was too pissed off before the Fiesta Bowl to respond to this letter. Since then, he has inadvertently mixed up his toothpaste and his hemorrhoid creme. Now everything that comes out of the man's mouth appears to be crap.

KENT PAVELKA and WARREN SWAIN were seen at Rock N' Roll Runza wiping barbecue sauce off their lips with this letter.

DAN McCARNEY received this letter before the kickoff of Iowa State's game against Florida State and decided he was too busy to send the 15 copies out right just then. However, at halftime and with his team trailing by three scores, he smartly took the time to forward his 15 copies.

One of McCarney's letters was received by BOBBY BOWDEN early in the third quarter. Predictably, Bowden told his assistant coaches to handle forwarding it. The assistant coaches foolishly blew the job off.

BEANO COOK predicted this letter would lose to Penn State.

TONY DAVIS was too busy calling his ticket broker to forward this letter. He did eventually use his clout as an ex-Husker to get his customers the front-row midfield tickets he promised them -- to the Lincoln Capitols' big showdown vs. the Omaha Beef at Pershing Auditorium, that is.

Rather than sending this letter along, former Miami fullback NAJEH DAVENPORT tried to use it as toilet paper.

LIL RED threw this piece in the trash upon receiving it. Moments later, he accidentally wandered into a drunken initiation party at the Beta Sig house and was never heard from again.

CHRIS SIMMS received this letter on the eve of his ill-fated outing in last year's Big 12 championship game. Wanting to avoid any bad luck, he probably would have followed the instructions to send it along, if only had he been able to read them.

BOB STOOPS is far too down-to-earth to respond to such superstitious drivel. As a result, he was not hailed as the greatest coaching mind this world has ever known by any of the major media outlets for a couple of days last week. It may have been Wednesday, Thursday or Friday.

The night before last year's BCS selection show, FRANK SOLICH dutifully sent this letter to 15 other people, just as he was instructed to do. Hours later, instead of being selected to play Illinois in the Sugar Bowl like he figured, his team was sent to Pasadena to play Miami.

On second thought, maybe you DON'T need to forward this letter on, after all.

==STEVE==
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