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Winging It, Vol. 2:
I WANT MY H.T.V.
8/16/00

Besides football, there are two things that really, really get me excited about the end of the summer. One is that the neighbor kids soon will be going back to school and therefore, the number of crimes on my street from 8 a.m. to 3 p.m. will mysteriously begin to drop. Second, and much more importantly, the new fall TV lineup is gearing up for my perusal.

There are plenty of question marks that must be answered with the start of the 2000 TV season. Will "ER"s Dr. Carter kick his drug addiction? Will Ally McBeal gain weight? Can Ted Koeppel keep his hairpiece from attacking his cameraman? These are the burning questions that have lingered in our television junkie minds during the long, hot summer.

Unfortunately, I won't be watching to see the answers. Not with HuskerVision announcing the launch of its all-Husker cable network, HTV, which debuts Sept. 1. Here's what TV GUIDE says will be on during that highly anticipated channel's first day:

9 a.m. - LIVE WITH ROZIER AND ODIOUS LEE (Talk/Variety) Today: Longshot congressional hopeful Tom Osborne; How to make a wedding cake with Runzas (60 min)

10 a.m. - EIGHT IS ENOUGH (Talk/Variety) Host Bill Byrne leads a roundtable discussion over the worthiness of a certain two-thirds of the Big 12 South (30 min)

10:30 a.m. - PULP FICTION (Fantasy) Over a glass of orange juice at breakfast, Texas coach Mack Brown daydreams about the series of unlikely events needed to take his team to Miami, the site of this year's Bowl Championship Series title game (30 min)

11 a.m. - FREAKS AND GEEKS (Talk) The men behind the BCS formula, Part One (60 min)

Noon - STARK RAVING MAD (Talk) The men behind the BCS formula, Part Two (60 min)

1 p.m. - WHOSE O-LINE IS IT, ANYWAY? (Drama) Milt Tenopir and Frank Solich argue over who recruited who along the 2000 Pipeline (60 min)

2 p.m. - CHARLIE'S ANGELS (Documentary) Replay of the 1999 Big 12 Championship Game (60 min)

3 p.m. - SUPERMARKET SWEEP (Game Show) While on his way to the Tallahassee Mall, a hungry Pete Warrick stops off at Albertson's and, realizing he has no coupons, decides to get creative (30 min)

3:30 p.m. - WHO'S THE BOSS? (Comedy) In this episode, DeAngelo issues a nasty ultimatum to his headman, forcing Frankie to decide that enough is enough (repeat) (30 min)

4 p.m. - FRASIER (Comedy) Niles courts Daphne; Eddie gets a new bone; Tommie breaks yet another Gator tackle despite recurring blood clots (repeat) (60 min)

5 p.m. - GOD, THE DEVIL, AND BOB (Animated) Theologians debate exactly where in the deity pecking order the Bobfather sits (30 min)

5:30 p.m. - SHAFT (Drama/Comedy) The detective is called upon to find several missed calls in the 1994 Orange Bowl between Nebraska and Florida State (30 min)

6 p.m. - THAT 70s SHOWING (Comedy) With 13 seconds left against Insignificant State and ahead 69-3, Spurrier is forced to choose: kneel on the ball or kick the field goal? (30 min)

6:30 p.m. - WAKING DAN DEVINE (Movie) Notre Dame athletic director Kevin White visits a psychic who communicates with dead coaches in hopes of repairing his troubled football program (90 min)

8 p.m. - MORTAL KOMBAT: ANNIHILATION (Sports/Entertainment) Brent Musburger and Terry Bowden fight to the death in a steel cage. That is suspended by an increasingly frayed rope above a vat of oil. Burning oil, with piranhas and sharks swimming in it. Plus, the cage is housed in a cargo plane on autopilot and nearly no fuel (90 min)

9:30 p.m. - THE MUPPETS TAKE MANHATTAN (Movie) After running out of boobs to play, KSU coach Bill Snyder calls Jim Henson Enterprises with a gridiron challenge (90 min)

11 p.m. - CHATRUUM 2NIGHT: I RULE, U DRULE (Talk) 13/m cyberfans teach otherz how 2 rite kewl online, 2 B used in sports chat rooms and also 4 message boardz, 2. Age/sex check required (cLoSeD cApTiOnEd) (30 min)

11:30 p.m. - THE (TOO LITTLE, TOO) LATE SHOW (Talk/Variety) Tonight: Stupid Heisman Tricks; Top Ten meaningless garbage-time touchdown by Nebraska opponents. Co-hosted by Troy and Darren Davis of Iowa State (60 min)

12:30 a.m. - LEI MISERABLES (Drama/Musical) Thinking they will get an easy "A" by taking a theater class, Hawaiian Huskers Dominic Raiola, Junior Tagoa'i and Toniu Fonoti must sing their way through a Lied Center production of a French Revolution re-enactment (60 min)

1:30 a.m. to signoff - SNOTS LANDING (Horror) A horde of boorish Big Ten football coaches invated the small Arkansas town of a blue-chip recruit and zap the populace with Superiority Rays (90 min)

Be sure to check your local listings to see where HTV shows up on your dial. My guide shows it at Channel No. 1. Whatta coincidence.

==STEVE==
Red. White. Loon. Show your true colors in THE POND,
Home of Nebraska's RED CLAD LOON.
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