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H U S K E R    D A N
 
October 4, 2010
 
By means of an ethereal hook up, we were able to engage the genius of the late Johnny Carson and his longtime sidekick, Ed McMahon in a Husker remake of their classic "Carnac the Magnificent" bit. We hope you enjoy it.
 
CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT

ED MCMAHON: (drum roll) And now, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the all-knowing, the all-caring, the all-seeing, and former part time dishwasher, CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT!!
(Applause as East Indian music plays. Carnac enters wearing a robe and turban, trips on the steps and crashes into his desk. The audience applauds enthusiastically at his fall.)
CARNAC: (After he collects himself, looks at the audience and says) May a sick camel relieve himself in your hot tub.
(Laughter)
ED: Are you okay?
CARNAC: Carnac fine.
ED: You know how this game is played. Carnac The Magnificent, with his mystic and sometimes borderline powers will tell us the answers BEFORE he reads the questions!! I hold in my hand, the envelopes containing the questions. A child of four can see that these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and stored in a mayonnaise jar on Funk & Wagnell's porch since NOON to day! NO ONE, NOT EVENT THE GREAT CARNAC has seen them! Are you ready to play?
CARNAC: Carnac ready.
ED: I hold in my hands, envelope number one.
(Ed gives the envelope to Carnac. Carnac holds it to his forehead and closes his eyes.)
CARNAC: Carnac must have absolute silence.
ED: (Says,quietly) Hermetically sealed.....mayonnaise jar.....noon today.....
CARNAC: Quick Snap.
ED: Quick Snap.
(Carnac opens the envelope)
CARNAC: What happens to your leg when you get tackled by Ndamukong Suh?
(Laughter)
ED: Envelope number two.
(Carnac puts the envelope to his head, closes his eyes and slowly dozes off....)
ED: Carnac? Carnac?
(Carnac wakes up, startled.)
CARNAC: Carnac have rough night last night.

Tiger Woods, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Bo Pelini.
ED: Tiger Woods, Kentucky Fried Chicken and Bo Pelini.
CARNAC: (Looking at Ed) I just said that.
(Carnac opens the envelope.)
Name a sinner, a dinner and a winner.
(Laughter)
ED: I hold in my hands the next envelope.
(Carnac opens it,
holds it to his head and concentrates.)
CARNAC: Nanny state.
ED: Nanny state.
(Carnac glares at Ed. Carnac opens the envelope.)
CARNAC: Who is the Huskers' 2020 home opener?
(The audience laughs.)
ED: Envelope number four.
(Carnac holds the envelope to his head.)

CARNAC: Prozac.
ED: Prozac.
(Carnac opens the envelope.)
CARNAC: What do you call Zac Lee's fan club?
(Audience groans.)
ED: I hold in my hands, envelope number five.
(Carnac holds it to his head and concentrates.)

CARNAC: Blitz package.
ED: Blitz package.
(Carnac opens the envelope)
CARNAC: What does Carl Pelini carry his blitzes in?
(Laughter)
ED: Here's the next envelope.
(Carnac holds it to his head.)

CARNAC: Subdued.
ED: Subdued.
(Carnac opens the envelope.)
CARNAC: What do you call a second stringer?
(Audience groans.)
ED: And now, ladies and gentlemen, I hold in my hands, the LAST envelope!
(The audience cheers and applauds wildly!!)
CARNAC: (Looking at the audience, he says)
May a near-sighted proctologist do CPR on your sister.
(Carnac holds the envelope to his head.)
CARNAC: Lavonte David, Jared Crick and Donald Duck
ED: Lavonte David, Jared Crick and Donald Duck
(Carnac opens the envelope.)
CARNAC: Name a backer, a sacker and a quacker.
(Audience laughs and applauds. The east Indian music plays as Carnac leaves the stage.)

 
KANSAS STATE: THE BEGINNING OF THE END
In what will be their last conference trip to Manhattan, Kansas, the Nebraska Cornhuskers Thursday night will begin the first of their final eight games as a member of the Big 12 Conference. Next year, the Huskers will be playing in the Big 10 Conference.
 
PERFECTION
Unlike last year, Thursday's match-up will feature two 4-0 teams. (Note: You have to go back to '99 to find the Wildcats coming into the Nebraska game undefeated at 9-0. Nebraska was 8-1 entering that game with their only loss coming at the hands of the Texas Longhorns.)
The Huskers are coming off a lack-luster performance in a 17-3 home win over the winless 1-AA South Dakota State Jackrabbits. But the previous week, Nebraska enjoyed an impressive 56-21 win over the University of Washington in Seattle. And thanks to their exciting win Saturday night over Southern Cal in Los Angeles, Washington made Nebraska's win over the Huskies seem more significant.
Like Nebraska, Kansas State has wins over a 1-AA team (Missouri State) and a marquis PAC-10 team (UCLA). And like Washington, the Bruins have a win over another marquis team (Texas). So what does this mean for Thursday night's game?
Good question.
One thing is certain, if the Huskers play the way they did against South Dakota State, Nebraska will lose the game. Know this: Bill Snyder didn't just fall off the turnip truck. He took a Kansas State program that was the laughing stock of college football and turned them into perennial winners. The man can coach.
 
CALLING DANIEL THOMAS?
If the Wildcats are to have any success Thursday, they will probably rely on the running of Daniel Thomas up the middle of the Husker defense. To be sure, the loss of linebackers Sean Fisher and Will Compton has left the Blackshirts vulnerable there. But the 'Cats will need more than Daniel Thomas if they are to win the game.
No bold predictions here, but look for Nebraska to show that they are the team to beat, not only in the Big 12 North, but in the in the entire conference.

 


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