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H U S K E R    D A N

"THE CHIP CHUCKLEY SHOW"

Readers: Many of you asked if I would re-run the attached video that was posted on this site a few weeks ago. I don't know who made the video, but all Husker fans want to thank you from the bottom of our Big Red hearts.
http://www.studio425.com/video.php?vid_id=24


"THE CHIP CHUCKLEY SHOW"
(The theme music cues up to the sound level of a Harrier jet taking off from the top of your forehead. The music, of course, is something the station wouldn't be caught dead playing any other time. The GIT-tars and drums make your eardrums bleed. Mercifully, the 300 db bumper music softens to a "mere" 100 db and the announcer makes his pitch.)
"And now, here he is, the one, the only, The Ayatollah of the I Formation, The Czar of Z-Backs, The Deacon of Defense, The Fuhrer of Football, The Guru of the Gridiron, The Interloper of Interceptions, The Kingpin of Korn, The Nabob of Knockdowns, The Ogre of the Option, The Pharaoh of First Downs, The Potentate of the Pocket, The Prince of the Pitch Play, The Sultan of Sack, The Wizard of the West Coast. It's The Hip Chipster, the Chipmeister himself, Chip Chuckley! (the music continues to fade and the host is cued.)

Chip Chuckley: Goooood evening and welcome to "Sports Chat" with yours truly, Chip Chuckley. We're going to talk about the 2006 Husker football season tonight and anything else you'd like as the Huskers prepare to take on the Bullfrogs-I mean the Bulldogs of Louisiana Tech this Saturday in Memorial Stadium. You can call us to-fu, er, toll free at 1-800-SPORTSCHAT. The switchboard is lit up like Sen. Pat Kennedy at 2:30 a.m. Let's go to our first caller, Stan from Redondo Beach, California. Welcome to "Sports Chat".
Caller: Hello, am I on?
C: Go ahead, welcome to "Sports Chat".
C: Dude, is this Ryan Seacrest?
C: No, this is Sports Chat and I'm Chip Chuckley.
C: Sports Chat? No way! You're Ryan Seacrest, dude, I love ya, man! Listen, dude, I've been trying to text message my vote for Katherine McPhee like for like weeks, man, but I never can get through. She's hot-totally! I'm like, I've got a bad case of McPheever! Get it? Anyway dude, put me down for one vote for Kat. She's awesome!!
C: Have you been smoking some a little ditch weed?
C: Wow, how'd you know that?
C: Just a wild guess.
C: You guys at "American Idol" are totally awesome!
C: I hate to break the news to you, but Taylor Hicks won the contest several months ago.
C: No way, man. No WAY! Kat's gonna win, man. I can feel it, man! I can feel it!
C: (Sigh) Thanks for calling. Let's go to our next caller, Larry from Alliance, Nebraska
C: My question is, will the Huskers have those F-150s flying over the stadium just before game time? They are really cool to see. I'll hang up and listen for your answer.
C: I hate to break this to you pal, but the last time I checked, pickups don't fly. Lets go to our next caller. Betty from Lincoln City, California. Welcome to "Sports Chat".
C: I'm a long time listener and a first time caller. I have an idea.
C: What is it?
C: It's a thought, concept or impression that exists in the mind as a formulation of a plan. But that's not important at this time. I think Steve Pederson should appoint Tom Osborne to head the University's athletic fund raising. The Athletic Department needs the bucks and Tom will soon be needing a job. I think it would be great for the entire Husker Nation. What do you think?
C: Thanks for the call. That's a great idea. The only hitch is how chummy Tom would be working for Steve Pederson. If you'll remember, Pederson's the guy who fired Frank Solich, Osborne's hand-picked successor. The other question would be how Tom would feel about asking donors to contribute money to a sports complex that bears his and Nancy's names. Other than that, I think it would be a great idea.
We have a very special guest on Line 3. Larry The Cable Guy! Welcome to Sports Chat.
LTCG: Git 'r done!
C: We love you in "Cars" and "Blue Collar Comedy". It's great talking with you. Do you have some time to talk a little Husker football?
LTCG: Oh yeah.
C: Are you looking forward to the Huskers get their season started?
LTCG: Ah'm as excited as Janet Reno at a sleepover at Rosie O'Donnell's. That's how excited ah am.
C: Are you going to the La Tech game?
LTCG: Me and my wife is goin'. She's my Wal-Mart girl.
C: "Wal-Mart" girl?
LTCG: She's always 50% off.
C: I see.
LTCG: She's a good ol' girl, but she don't know much about football, One time we saw a football game on the teevee and after it was over, I asked her how she liked it. "Football is stupid!" she said. "It don't make no sense. First the announcer talks about a runnin' back who likes to pick his own hole. Can you imagine that! Now why does he have to blab that to everybody?" she says. "Then the announcer says one of the teams is looking for a big tight end! And what really got me goin' was when he said that a couple of them players like to go both ways! I mean, who's coaching the damn team, Elton John?!"
C: I see. What do you think the key is to the Huskers' success this fall?
LTCG: We gotta keep our quarterback, #13 healthy. Last year he was on his back more than Paris Hilton.
C: Right. Is there anything else you'd like to say?
LTCG: Go Huskers and Git 'r done!
C: Thanks for calling. Let's go to Line 2-Tanya from Sioux City, Iowa. Welcome to "Sports Chat".
C: I'm interested in how you think recruiting is going for the Huskers so far this year. Do you think we'll sign enough student athletes for next year's recruiting class?
C: Thanks for your call. Recruiting student athletes is an inexact science, but I do think Bill Callahan and his staff will continue to get enough of them to get the program back on track. Let's go to yet another surprise guest caller. We love him in the HBO mega hit series, "The Sopranos". Please welcome Paulie Walnuts to Sports Chat!
PW: Nice meetin' ya.
C: It's great talking with you. Do you like college football?
PW: Yah, 'specially defense. Da two of us have a lot in common.
C: How so?
PW: We boat like to whack people.
C: I see. What teams do you like?
PW. Doze dat beat da point spread.
C: I see. What do you think the Huskers need to do to get back to the elite of college football?
PW. Easy. Dey got da Rigoni kid, right? He's a good Pizzano. He's also da hammer on da kickoff team and what's he, like four feet tall? Da Huskers need more like him, even if he has a pretty boy foyst name like Brandon. If ya ask me, da Huskers have too many kids wid frat names like Lance, Corey, Todd, Cody, and Matt. Doze names sound like dey belong in a freakin' sewing club! Da Huskers need guys wit names like Guido, Luigi, Guisseppi and Vinny. (Beep)
Oops, sawry, I gotta go. I'm gettin' paged by "Tone". It's never a good idea to keep Tony Soprano waitin', know what I mean?
C: Good point. Tanks, er, thanks for calling. We have time to take one more call. With the aid of a ethereal connection, we go to Emily Litella formerly of "Saturday Night Live".
Welcome to our show, Emily.
EL: What's this I hear about Nebraska trying to recruit stupid athletes? They shouldn't be calling them stupid. Why, it's just a shame! I don't think you people should be calling kids stupid.
C: Emily-it's "student" athletes, not "stupid" athletes. The Husker are trying to recruit "student" athletes.
EL: Oh, well never mind.
C: Thanks for the call. That's all the time we have. I want to thank all our callers. Be sure to tune in next time to "Sports Chat". Thanks for listening.
The theme music cranks up again just before you race to turn off your radio.

FROM THE EMAIL BAG

HUSKER DAN:
What's your take on the Harrison Beck fiasco? I thought this kid was going to lead us to the Promise Land. It doesn't seem like Callahan knows what he's doing. First it was Joe Dailey, then Josh Freeman and now Beck. Why can't Callahan keep good quarterbacks?
Spike DeBahl
Roanoke, VA
Dear Spike:
The last time I checked, Zac Taylor is still on the team and so is Joe Ganz and a few others. As far as the rest of the QBs you mentioned, each left for different reasons. Dailey wasn't recruited to run the West Coast Offense. With promises of immediate playing time and with the Huskers seemingly stacked at the QB position, Freeman jumped ship for K-State. For my take on the Beck situation, catch my column in the September 1st edition of The Omaha Newspapers (www.theomahanewspapers.com). My columns will run each month during the football season.
HUSKER DAN:
I am Floyd Williams 3rd. I live in Decatur, GA. My Dad and I like to collect autographed Sports Illustrateds as a hobby. We have a copy of a Sports Illustrated dated October 1, 1984 with Jeff Smith of No. 1 Nebraska on the cover. Can you tell us were we might mail it in an effort to get Mr. Smith to autograph the cover? We would appreciate it very much. We are collectors and not a dealer.
GO CORNHUSKERS!!! Thanks so much.
Floyd R. Williams 3rd
Decatur, GA
Dear Floyd: Surrrre, you're not a dealer... Okay, I believe you. I have no clue as to the whereabouts of ex-Husker great and the pride of Wichita, Kansas, Jeff Smith. If anyone knows how to reach Jeff, let me know and I'll forward the information to Floyd.
Husker Dan:
I would like to know what are your favorite sports movies of all time? Thanks.
Ahman DeRode
Ft. Calhoun, NE
Dear Ahman:
Off the top of my head: "Hoosiers", "Rocky I", "Field of Dreams", "Brian's Song" (the original), and "Major League I" and in that order.
Husker Dan:
When are "Carnac The Magnificent" and "Aunt Rosie" coming back to your column? I miss them!
Hugh Jass
Farmington, NM.
Dear Hugh:
They'll be back this season.
Husker Dan:
I am sure you get all kinds of questions from fans in the Big Sky State but I grew up in Southern SD and really miss listening to Husker games on the radio. I currently reside in Bozeman, MT and was wondering if you know of any radio stations that carry the games? I am not afraid to listen to a staticy station so anything close I will try. Thanks for all your hard work and GO BIG RED!
Chad V.
Bozeman, MT
Readers: Any suggestions?
Husker Dan:
Have you ever thought about writing for Huskers Illustrated? It's a really good magazine, but you'd make it a heck of a lot better.
Kay Passa
Redondo Beach, CA
Dear Kay:
Well, aren't you nice! I actually wrote Brian Hill, the editor of H.I. this winter to see if he would have any interest in my being contributing writer for them. Several days later, I received a standard, "Thanks, but no thanks" rejection letter. Thanks for writing.
Husker Dan:
My husband has the helmet of doom. It was originally signed by DeAngelo Evans. After Evans left the team, my husband found a chemical that removed the signature. So what did he do next? He went out and got David Horne's autograph. Okay, so then Horne split. More chemicals. So who was the next to autograph the helmet? You guessed it. Harrison Beck. We're planning to have a voodoo ceremony and blow up the helmet.
Natalie W. Omaha, NE
OREGON TRAIL
Mrs. Husker Dan and I traveled to Bend, Oregon this summer. We weren't in the city for 5 minutes, when we ran into a man at the Fred Meyer's store who was wearing a red Husker T-shirt and baseball cap. He was there with his wife and two children. Of course we had to talk Husker football etc. He said he grew up in Fremont, moved to Portland, Oregon years ago. He admitted he wasn't aware of Huskerpedia but said he would use the site to keep up on the Huskers.
CANCER ANSWER
I want to thank all of you who have offered your support and prayers for Mrs. Husker Dan as she continues her battle with breast cancer. Thankfully, her prognosis is good. One day there will be an answer for this disease and it won't come a day too soon.
HUSKER DAN SEZ
In a few days, the Huskers will take on the Bulldogs of Louisiana Tech. Husker fans remember all too well the 2005 season opener with 1-AA Maine. Everyone in red thought the game would be over by the first quarter, but found themselves in the middle of an 8 point game in the 4th quarter.
Okay, so that was last year. This game will not be a cakewalk as some think, but the Huskers will have too much firepower for the rebuilding Bulldogs. Not even former longtime Husker assistant coach, George Darlington, who will be in the booth for the 'Dogs will be able to salvage this one for La. Tech.
This year's Husker team, especially in this first game, will not be fielding a finished product. But look for this Husker team to mature rapidly-and it will have to by September 16th against the Trojans of USC. This Saturday, Husker coaches and players are going to be out to prove that last year's season ending three game win streak wasn't a fluke. They're going to want to make a statement. The Huskers should cruise. This is the state they meant.

HUSKERS 41
BULLFROGS 14


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