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H U S K E R    D A N

Dear Readers:
For decades, Husker fans have known that the Nebraska football program has been unlike any other. Its winning traditions, outstanding players and passionate fan base are unequaled in college football.

But the past few years, the Husker football program has taken some hits, especially after last year's 5-6 record.

The experience has been so difficult for us that we are being accused of being bunch of spoiled crybabies.

The accusers offer a reality check for us. "Welcome to reality, Husker fans", they say. "Welcome to the real world of Division 1 college football. Teams like Notre Dame, USC, Oklahoma, Miami, K-State, Washington, Colorado, and Penn State all have seen their programs drop in the crapper from time to time, so why should Nebraska be any different?".

Because we ARE different, that's why. Most Husker fans really don't give a rat's patootie about other football programs.

Husker fans know that they have a different set of God-given rules that apply only to the Husker football program, its players and fans. I know it. You know it. We all KNOW it. You'd have to have manure for brains not to know it. That's why all Husker football fans should have a copy of the following displayed proudly in their Husker dens at home or at their Dilbert cubicles at work. Trust me. I'm not even kidding...

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Whereas, the state of Nebraska, a state that doesn't have any mountains, or oceans, doesn't have any major league sports teams, and has weather that ranges from Death Valley to Siberia (sometimes in the same day),

And whereas, the state of Nebraska, a state that is not known for much other than a frumpy billionaire investor, the CWS, SAC, Johnny Carson, Marlin Perkins, Carhenge, Chimney Rock, the country's only unicameral state legislature and a wacky arch,

It shall therefore be The Divine Right of Husker fans all over the world that they should have a football program that:

1.) Is regarded every year as one of the premier programs in the country.
2.) Is admired by sports fans all over the planet.
3.) Is in the national championship hunt annually.
4.) Is the team to beat in the Big 12 North.
5.) Is the team to beat in the Big 12 Conference.
6.) Intimidates Husker opponents because of its rabid Husker fans, the Tunnel Walk and the bone-breaking hits by Husker players.
7.) Current and former Husker players always conduct themselves on and off the field with respect to the great traditions of Husker football.
8.) Almost never loses at home.
9.) Continues its current nation's leading string of consecutive home sellouts that dates back to November 3, 1962.
10.) Each year produces candidates for the Heisman, Outland, Butkus, Lombardi, Doak Walker, Maxwell, Davey O'Brien, Unitas, Rimington, All Big 12 Conference and All American awards
11.) Continues to lead D-1 football in Scholastic All-Americans.
12.) Goes to a bowl game every year.
13.) Plays in a BCS game almost every year.
14.) Has a winning record every year.
15.) Has most of its games televised.
16.) Continues to revere the likes of Bob Devaney, Memorial Stadium, "The Tunnel Walk", "Hail Varsity", "There is No Place Like Nebraska", "Come A Runnin' Boys", Ed Weir, Al Zikmund, Dana X. Bible, Forrest Behm, Bobby Reynolds, Lyell Bremser, Dave Rimington, Tom Rathman, Trev Albert, Frank Solich, Kent Pavelka, Tom Osborne, Tom Novak, Roger Craig, Rich Glover, Guy Chamberlain, Wayne Meylan, Johnny "The Jet" Rodgers, Jerry Tagge, Jeff Kinney, Larry Jacobson, Irving Fryar, Mike Rozier, Ahman Green, Tommie Frazier, Jake Young, Tony Jeter, Bob Churchich, Grant Wistrom, Scott Frost, the Peter Brothers, Eric Crouch, Turner Gill, and Bob Brown.
17.) Above all, will never, never, never, never, never, ever become irrelevant.

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