Dear
Readers:
For decades, Husker fans have known that the Nebraska football program
has been unlike any other. Its winning traditions, outstanding players
and passionate fan base are unequaled in college football.
But the past few years, the Husker football program has taken some
hits, especially after last year's 5-6 record.
The experience has been so difficult for us that we are being accused
of being bunch of spoiled crybabies.
The accusers offer a reality check for us. "Welcome to reality,
Husker fans", they say. "Welcome to the real world of Division
1 college football. Teams like Notre Dame, USC, Oklahoma, Miami, K-State,
Washington, Colorado, and Penn State all have seen their programs
drop in the crapper from time to time, so why should Nebraska be any
different?".
Because we ARE different, that's why. Most Husker fans really don't
give a rat's patootie about other football programs.
Husker fans know that they have a different set of God-given rules
that apply only to the Husker football program, its players and fans.
I know it. You know it. We all KNOW it. You'd have to have manure
for brains not to know it. That's why all Husker football fans should
have a copy of the following displayed proudly in their Husker dens
at home or at their Dilbert cubicles at work. Trust me. I'm not even
kidding...
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THE DIVINE RIGHT OF HUSKER
FANS
Whereas, the state of Nebraska, a state that doesn't have any mountains,
or oceans, doesn't have any major league sports teams, and has weather
that ranges from Death Valley to Siberia (sometimes in the same day),
And whereas, the state of Nebraska, a state that is not known for
much other than a frumpy billionaire investor, the CWS, SAC, Johnny
Carson, Marlin Perkins, Carhenge, Chimney Rock, the country's only
unicameral state legislature and a wacky arch,
It shall therefore be The Divine Right of Husker fans all over the
world that they should have a football program that:
1.) Is regarded every year as one of the premier programs in the country.
2.) Is admired by sports fans all over the planet.
3.) Is in the national championship hunt annually.
4.) Is the team to beat in the Big 12 North.
5.) Is the team to beat in the Big 12 Conference.
6.) Intimidates Husker opponents because of its rabid Husker fans,
the Tunnel Walk and the bone-breaking hits by Husker players.
7.) Current and former Husker players always conduct themselves on
and off the field with respect to the great traditions of Husker football.
8.) Almost never loses at home.
9.) Continues its current nation's leading string of consecutive home
sellouts that dates back to November 3, 1962.
10.) Each year produces candidates for the Heisman, Outland, Butkus,
Lombardi, Doak Walker, Maxwell, Davey O'Brien, Unitas, Rimington,
All Big 12 Conference and All American awards
11.) Continues to lead D-1 football in Scholastic All-Americans.
12.) Goes to a bowl game every year.
13.) Plays in a BCS game almost every year.
14.) Has a winning record every year.
15.) Has most of its games televised.
16.) Continues to revere the likes of Bob Devaney, Memorial Stadium,
"The Tunnel Walk", "Hail Varsity", "There
is No Place Like Nebraska", "Come A Runnin' Boys",
Ed Weir, Al Zikmund, Dana X. Bible, Forrest Behm, Bobby Reynolds,
Lyell Bremser, Dave Rimington, Tom Rathman, Trev Albert, Frank Solich,
Kent Pavelka, Tom Osborne, Tom Novak, Roger Craig, Rich Glover, Guy
Chamberlain, Wayne Meylan, Johnny "The Jet" Rodgers, Jerry
Tagge, Jeff Kinney, Larry Jacobson, Irving Fryar, Mike Rozier, Ahman
Green, Tommie Frazier, Jake Young, Tony Jeter, Bob Churchich, Grant
Wistrom, Scott Frost, the Peter Brothers, Eric Crouch, Turner Gill,
and Bob Brown.
17.) Above all, will never, never, never, never, never, ever become
irrelevant.
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H U S K E R D A N