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BIG WED WAP-UP
"THE CHIP CHUCKLEY SHOW"
(The theme music cues up to the sound levels of an atom bomb being detonated. The music, of course, is something the station wouldn't be caught dead playing any other time. The GEE-tars and drums scream. Mercifully, the 300 db bumper music softens to a "mere" 200 db and the announcer makes his pitch.)
Announcer:
And now, here is, the one, the only, The Hip Chipster, The Chip Meister
himself, The Guru of the Gridiron, the one, the only Chip Chuckley!!!!
(the music continues to fade and the host is cued.)
Chip Chuckley: Goooood evening and welcome to "Sports
Chat" with yours truly, Chip Chuckley. There is so much going
on in Husker football tonight that we want to get to as many of your
calls as we can. Call us to fu, er, toll free at 1-800-SPORTSCHAT.
The switchboard is lit up like the Sidetracks on game day. Let's go
to our first caller, Edna in Hollywood, California. Welcome to "Sports
Chat".
Caller: Dahling, dahling, dahling. Dott wasss a hawbah
game, juss hawbah. Dah defanze pladd hawbah, dah offanze pladd hawbah,
spezawl tames pladd hawbah. Wah nawht gawin to a bawhl gamm diss yarr.
CC: So you think the entire team played horribly?
And you don't think we're going to make it to a bowl game?
C: Dott's ratt. Hawbaw gamm, hawbaw tame. Juss hawbah.
Jo Dawee ess no godd. He kent poss. We shood rann dah bawhl aw natt
lang.
CC: Okay, thanks for your call. Let's got to Brad
in Sioux Falls, South Dakota.
C: Man, what's up with that last caller? I couldn't
understand a word she was sayin'. Anyways, my take is that all those
who couldn't wait for Frank Solich to go, are you happy now? We are
headed for the first losing season in 43 years and won't go to a bowl
game for the first time since 1969. Are all you people happy now?
You can thank Steve Pederson and the rest of the Solich bashers for
this mess. That's all I've got to say. I am OUT!
CC: Thanks for your call. Let's go to Penny in Lincoln.
You're on "Sports Chat".
C: I'm a long time caller and a first time listener.
No, I mean I'm a long time listener, first time caller. Oh well, you
know what I mean. I'm just a little nervous.
CC: Go ahead, you're doing fine.
C: I'd just like to say that I don't think the Huskers
played all that bad Saturday in Norman. I mean, we were playing the
#2 team in the country, weren't we? Our kids were fired up. Cory Ross
ran like a man possessed. If we play at that level against the Buffaloes,
the Huskers will come out with a win and we will be playing in a bowl
game. We were just a couple of plays away from making that game a
lot closer. And there were some unbelievably bad calls and non-calls.
And no, I'm not saying that we would have won the game if the calls
had gone differently, but I do think the game would have been a lot
closer. That's all I've got to say.
CC: Good points. Let's go to Tony in Newark, New
Jersey. Welcome to "Sports Chat".
C: Listen, youse guys. Tanks to da Huskers stoppin'
da clock with 1 freakin' second left and kickin' a lousy field goal
on da final play, I lost a varry sizable chunk of cash, pal. I am
varry, varry unhappy. Now I gotta pay true da nose, or Vinny will
perform some experimental surgery on my knees so dat dey can bend
both ways which I am not lookin' forward to. All becuz dat little
rat number 27 trotted onto da field wit one second to go. Da little
(bleep). (Click)
CC: Thanks for your call. Let's go to Danny in Manhattan
Beach, California. Thanks for being on our show.
C: Dude, Like, am I on?
CC: Like, yeah, you're on.
C: Like I'm freakin' out! You know!
CC: Go ahead.
C: Dude, this is sooooo cool being on your show,
man! Waaaay cool!
CC: We're glad you got on. Do you have a comment?
C: Right. Like I was sayin', this is awesome. I love
your show. Never miss it. You are the best. Love the babes, dude!
The babes are the best!
CC: Do you have a take on the game?
C: Game? What game? Isn't this "The Howard Stern
Show"?
CC: No. You've got the wrong number. Let's go to
Denny in Waterloo, Nebraska
C: Hello? Am I on?
CC: Go ahead.
C: Chuck?
CC: My name's Chip.
C: Hello, Chuck?
CC: Chip.
C: Chuck?
CC: Chip. Let's go to Margie on a cell phone in Walleye
Lake, Minnesota. Hello, you're on "Sports Chat". Do you
have a take on the Oklahoma game?
C: Oh yeah sure, yer darn tootin' I do!! I think
the Huskers just don't have enough good players on offense or defense.
Me and my husband Norm, he's a painter, we never miss a Husker game
on TV. We can't wait until next year when we get better players. Thanks
a bunch for listening to me.
CC: Anytime, Margie. Let's go to Portland, Oregon
and to Kelly. Welcome to "Sports Chat".
C: I have a question.
CC: What is it?
C: It's an interrogatory sentence that requires an
answer, but that's not important right now. What is important is that
I have several questions. First, what's up with one of our players
slugging a cheerleader before the game? And what's the deal with Coach
Callahan calling the Sooner crowd a bunch of bleepin' hillbillies?
What's happening to the class we used to have? Tom Osborne would never
have said anything like that. And if one of his players ever hit a
cheerleader, the lad would be driving a cab somewhere.
CC: You ask some very good questions. As for the
slugging incident, the University of Nebraska is calling the incident
an "accident", while the newspaper in Norman is calling
it an "altercation". I suppose we'll know more about it
later. Callahan voiced his opposition to the Ruf/Neks, an OU spirit
group, whose job it is to heckle opposing players. Darren DeLone is
reported to have head-butted one of the Ruf/Neks and shoved him into
the 3 foot brick wall during pre-game warm-ups.
I'm not sure how you can head butt someone with your football helmet
and shove him into a brick wall and then call it an accident. The
"victim" also lost several teeth in the process. As for
Callahan's hillbilly remark, he has since apologized for the "poor
choice of words" he uttered in the heat of the battle. Both of
these incidents shouldn't have happened, but, sadly, I'm surprised
these kinds of things don't happen more often. Thanks for calling.
Let's go to our last caller, Dave in McCook, Nebraska. Thanks for
waiting, you're on "Sports Chat".
C: Thanks for taking my call. My only beef with the
game Saturday night was, why were Stoops' first teamers still playing
late in the game? If they would have lost a key player like Jason
White to an injury, that could affect the rest of their season. I
don't get it. And secondly, why were the Sooners still trying for
a touchdown late in the game? If you ask me, Stoops is a no-class
(expletive). I can't wait to play them in Lincoln next year. I'll
hang up and listen to your response.
CC: First of all, thank goodness for tape-delay.
As far as Bob Stoops trying to run up the score, we can all thank
the BCS for that. The BCS tends to give favor for the margin of victory.
And with Auburn breathing down their backs with a big win over a very
good Georgia team early Saturday, the Sooners were trying to get as
many style points as they could against the Huskers. You really can't
blame Stoops for doing so. But I think the idea of intentionally running
up the score is not good for college football and should be re-examined
by the BCS committee in the off season.
Well, that's all the time we have. Thanks to all who called and thanks
to all of you who listened. Until next time, this is Chip Chuckley
saying, goodnight everybody. (The theme music is cranked up again.)
BAD JOKE DEPARTMENT, ESPECIALLY
WHEN WE'RE ALREADY DOWN
Q: How do you
keep a Husker player out of your backyard?
A: Put up goal posts.
Q: Where do you go in Lincoln in case of a tornado?
A: Memorial Stadium - they never get a touch down there.
Q: What's the difference between the Huskers and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get 4 quarters out of a dollar bill.
Q: How can you tell when the Huskers are going to pass the ball?
A: Dailey leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.
Q: What's the difference between the Taliban and the Huskers?
A: The Taliban has a running game.
(The above jokes were sent by Mike V, Estes Park, CO)
FROM
THE EMAIL BAG
MORE ON DARRELL R. TURBEAU
Dear Husker Dan:
Listen to me. Get an original idea, already. I'm the one and only
World's Smartest Husker Fan. Anyone who doesn't breathe out of his
mouth knows that much, pal. I've been a fan since halfway through
the 1962 season --no half-wit thinly-veiled knock-off invention of
yours is ever going to take my place, so don't even bother. I am right.
Stick to the fake letters from your fictitious aunt or your Even 101
More Reasons It's Good to Be in Nebraska Today lists and leave the
real work to the experts. If you have to write a disclaimer that you're
trying to be clever ... well, you're not exactly being clever, now
are you?
My correctness knows no bounds,
Elmer
Unadilla, Neb.
Dear Elmer: Had you still been writing, there would
have been no need for Darrell's rants. I join thousands (millions?)
of Husker fans who wish you (Steve, The Red Clad Loon) were back writing
your treasures. Steve has no equal. "I'm not worthy," as
Garth would say. No one is...No one could ever hope to be...You are
the best. Please come back, please? What will it take? Begging? Pleading?
Crying? Screaming? Coercion? Blackmail?
"THE CONVERSATION"
Dear 'DOCTOR' and Mrs. Husker Dan:
Excuse me, please, for not addressing you in the usual fashion as
'Husker Dan.' You and the Mrs. deserve even more as you have provided
an even greater service to myself and all of Husker Nation with this
week's commentary. Thank goodness we didn't have to wait till the
usual midweek to get 'our fix'...of 'your fix'...thus saving many
of us from going off the deep end. Once again, you provided the perfect
antidote for the depression which has set in due to this most difficult
and unnecessary loss yet. You were the first ones able to cause us
to smile, followed by long periods of laughter while reading your
piece. I personally had great difficulty getting past your comment
about the Mrs. asking how long it took a halfback to become a fullback.
I even woke up laughing during the night over that one!!! Thus, the
reference to Doctor, as you have certainly pulled this particular
fan out of a somewhat depressed and questioning state...well, out
of depression anyway, but the questioning state remains!!! Now, being
one who would never want to offend you, I will simply ask that you
go ahead and plant a big wet one on the forehead of the Mrs. as it
seems to me, she, like you, is not one that has her head in the sand...
One last thing, Doctor Dan, you might want to start charging for your
services now as I suppose you now have lots and lots of us rather
terminal fans with which to deal. Thanks again for your consistently
poignant articles. Keep them coming and we just might get through
this disastrous year.
Most Sincerely,
Larry L. S.
Escondido, Ca.
Dear Larry: I'll let my editor know about the "charging
for my services" part. I'm sure he'll get a good chuckle out
of that one. Thanks for the kind words. I'll be sure to pass your
comments on to Mrs. Husker Dan.
THIS AND THAT
1.) Will there be a shake up in the Husker defensive
coaching staff at the end of this season?
2.) Why did it take so long to get David Dyches back as the place
kicker?
3.) The Huskers just got a Lucky Strike with the oral commitment of
running back Marlon Lucky from North Hollywood, CA. For those of you
wanting to write off the Huskers after this season's performance should
think ahead to seeing the Huskers with a backfield featuring Marlon
and Harrison Beck. It will be a thing of beauty. As Elmer R. Hicks
would say, "I am right."
4.) Happy Birthday wishes go to former Husker great and 2001 Heisman
Trophy winner, Eric Crouch, who turns the ripe old age of 26, November
16th.
5.) Never ever talk about your dental hygienist's ex-husband while
she is cleaning your teeth.
6.) Look for Husker Dan's latest (and only) book, "You Might
Be A Husker Fan If...". coming to a bookstore near you...
HUSKER
STORIES
Husker Dan:
As a U of N alum (1943 B S in Bus. Adm.) and a 30 year V. P. and Treasurer
of the U of N Foundation l(1953-1983) in the administrations of Perry
Branch, Harry Haynie, and Woody Varner. I am a diehard Husker fan.
I am from a strong U of N football family. My father from Seward was
the Husker quarterback during 1911, 1912, 1914. He was Herb (Cub)
Potter and was well known during those years. He did not play in l913
as his father died that year and he had to stay home to help his mother.
But at the start of the 1914 season, the Huskers were 0-0 with South
Dakota and E O Stiehm, coach, and Dr. Oliver Everett, team physician,
drove to Seward to talk my grandmother into letting my Dad return
for his last year of eligibility as Stiehm thought so much of his
playing ability. My Dad would often tell me about his football days
at Nebraska. He said of all the games he played in during the 3 years
he quarterbacked he lost only 2, both to Minnesota. He said 1914 was
his best year and the highlight was a 24 - 0 beating of Michigan Aggies
in Lincoln. For that game the football was cut in two with half going
to him and the other half to team captain. Dad's half of the football
was passed on to me and I have had it on display for a great many
years.
My Dad passed away in August 1980 at age 91. There is a large picture
of the 1914 team in a Big Red restaurant in South Lincoln I believe
off 27th St. with my Dad's picture in the middle of the team with
the title "quarterback". During my years with the U of N
Foundation it was my pleasure in knowing Bob Devaney and Tom Osborne
both of whom would contact me at the Foundation office regarding our
Husker Award Fund which was funded by donors in support of the football
program. All my life to date I have closely followed the Huskers and
take great pleasure in their victories and suffer so much with their
few losses. During my retirement years my greatest pleasure is keeping
up to date on the Huskers via my computer and all my Nebraska web
sites and particularly your comments on the HuskerPedia web site.
Keep up the good work.
Herb M Potter Jr.
Concord, CA.
PS. This is a rather interesting report my Dad gave me about his Husker
football days. In an Iowa game, which he said always gave them a tough
time, the team worked their way down to the Iowa 1 yard line and he
(Dad was small, 5'7'' and 170 lbs, but was quick and fast ), had the
ball passed to him by the center, a tall man with long legs, and then
dove between the center's legs to cross the goal line, surprising
the Iowa team. That touchdown helped them win the game.
Note:
Mr. Potter was kind enough to send me a copy of an interview of his
dad that was recorded in 1975 when Herb "Cub" Potter was
about 86 years old. Husker Dan is grateful and proud to have this
valuable bit of Husker history.
Readers: All of you have a Husker memory or story you need to share with Husker Pride Worldwide. Your story might be about the first Husker game you ever saw; it could be about the last Husker game you shared with a loved one, or maybe it's a story of what you had to do in order to get Husker tickets. It could be a funny story or just a memorable one. Whatever memory you have, send them to [email protected] and Husker Dan will post the best ones in his column.