The theme music cues up to the sound levels of an atom bomb being detonated. The music, of course, is something the station wouldn't be caught dead playing any other time. The GEE-tars and drums scream:
DA BOOM PEEDA BOOM.
DA WOCKA DA WOCKA
DA PEEDA BOOM DA BAAT.
BEEDA BEEDA BOPPA,
DA BOPPA BOODA CLANG,
UDDA BOPPA UDDA BOPPA
BOOM BOOM DA BANG.
DA BOOM BASH CRASH
NO WOCKA NO WOCKA
WE PLAY A BUNCHA TRASH!
Mercifully, the 300 db bumper music fades and takes us once again to the host of the show.
CC: Goooood evening everybody. Welcome to "Sports Chat" with yours truly, the Chipmeister, Chip Chuckley. There is so much going on in the world of Husker sports, I don't know where to begin. We want to know your thoughts on all the latest Husker football news. Call us to fu, er ah, toll free at 1-800-SPORTSCHAT. The switchboard is lit up like Ted Kennedy's face. Let's go to our first caller, Jeff in Tecumseh. Welcome to "Sports Chat".
Caller: Hello? Am I on?
CC: Go ahead, You're on the air.
C: I'm a long time listener and a first time caller. I'm a little nervous, so be a patient.
CC: You're doing fine.
C: Well, I just wanted to say that I thought Tom Osborne's press conference was okay. I mean, he's earned the right to call a press conference anytime he wants. But what I didn't care for, was him saying that Steve Pederson somehow should have contacted Tom before he decided to fire Frank Solich. I love coach T and don't care for Steve Pederson's style, but, why does Tom think Steve has to check with Osborne to make a coaching change? I don't get it. T.O. left the program over 6 years ago. During that time, there have been a new AD and Tom has been in the US House of Representatives for a couple of years. Osborne isn't with the program anymore. I mean, what's Pederson to do, check in with Tom before he makes a move? I don't get it.
CC: I think Tom was just upset about all the coaches who no longer have jobs.
C: Great, but where was TO last year when his pal Frankie cleaned house, getting rid of guys like George Darlington-someone who'd been a Husker assistant longer than Solich, Milt Tenopir, Craig Bohl and Nelson Barnes? Where was Osborne then? I just don't get it.
CC: You make some good points. Let's go to our next caller. Darlene from Denton, Texas. Welcome to "Sports Chat".
C: I'd like to add to what the previous caller just said. I think we may be missing the point.
CC: How so?
C: Well, first you got your classic Steve Pederson blunder. Here's my take on the Osborne situation. There are a couple of scenarios. First, that Pederson deliberately tried to hoodwink coach T by getting Osborne's commitment to put his name on the new expansion project when Stevie knew full well he was going to axe Solich at the end of the regular season. If that's true, and I'm just speculating, then shame on Stevie. Osborne's career has been all about loyalty, commitment and integrity. Pederson HAD to know that once Frankie was fired and a new head coach hired, the assistants would be about as welcome as Ellen DeGeneres at a Hugh Hefner sleep-over. Stevie had to know TO would not be a happy camper. This is a classic example of "Bait and Switch".
And if Stevie's intentions were good, that he didn't know at the time that Solich was going to be toast, he should have expected the same resentment from Coach Osborne, right? And if Steve Wonder didn't anticipate Osborne's furor, then, shame on Stevie again. I mean, either way, the outcome's the same. It looks like Stevie Wonder has turned into Stevie Blunder. That's all I got to say.
CC: Thanks for your call. Let's go to Bob in Laguna Beach, California. You're on.
C: Dude, I really like your show. It's really bitchin'. Ooops, am I allowed to say that?
CC: Go ahead.
C: Like I was sayin', I agree with your other callers. My take is that Steve Pederson should withdraw Osborne's name from the expansion project. Coach T don't want no part of the deal. Look, this is the same guy who didn't feel comfortable having the football field named after him-even while he was still the head coach.
Tom Osborne feels betrayed. It's just that simple. Give TO a back door to escape from. Pederson should just call Tom and tell him that he apologizes for any bad feelings caused by the overhaul of the football coaching staff and that he (Pederson) will find a corporate sponsor and let him (Osborne) gracefully off the hook.
CC: Great idea, but what company would want to be forever known as the one who replaced Osborne's name on the expansion project? And won't the lack of Osborne's name on the project make Pederson's fund raising efforts that more difficult? Fifty million is a lot of money to raise.
C: Dude, it won't make any difference. Anybody with an ounce of brains knows what's going on. All the donors know Osborne agreed under duress. They know what the hell's going on. I don't think the check books are going to be opening either way. That's all I have to say.
CC: Thanks for your call. Let's go to Craig in Connecticut. Welcome to "Sports Chat".
C: I have a question.
CC: What is it?
C: It's an interrogative sentence that requires an answer. But that's not important. What I'd like to know is, what's this new West Coast Offense gonna do?
CC: What do you mean?
C: I mean, we're doin' away with smash mouth football and we're going to this pansy, girlie-man type of football. Pass, pass, pass and pass some more. It looks good, but it won't win anything. Kinda like that hot tennis star, Anna Shostakovich.
CC: You mean Anna Kournikova?
CC: So what are you driving at?
C: Chipperoni, it's like this: Anna is great to look at-I mean she's hotter than Tikrit in July. But what has she won? Nothin'. She's all show and no go. That's what us Husker fans have to look forward to the next several years.
CC: We have time for one more caller. Let's go to Earl in Winnetoon. You're on "Sports Chat".
C: I'd like to respond to your last caller. If he thinks the West Coast Offense is going to be boring, I beg to differ. With the right personnel-and I think we'll be a couple of years away from getting all the right people, Nebraska will have one of the most diversified offenses in college football. Those who think this is a pass-happy type of offense, better think again. Haven't they heard of Roger Craig? Tom Rathman? Ahman Green? Sure, those players had great quarterbacks like Joe Montana and Brett Favre who liked to throw, but Roger Craig had over a thousand yards running and had over a thousand yards receiving in one season and he was a running back, for cripes sake! I firmly believe that Nebraska has been rescued from oblivion. And you want to talk about defense? Oh man, we are going to be great. I can't WAIT for the season to begin.
CC: Thanks for a great call. That's all the time we have. I want to thank all our callers. Be sure to tune in next time to "Sports Chat". Thanks for listening.
The theme music cranks up again just before you run to your radio to turn it off.
You may write Husker Dan at email@example.com
Husker Dan leaves you with a winter postcard from Nebraska.