LOON DROPPINGS, Vol. SG
Red 21, White 21 -- Spring Game
Spring has sprung. That was clear by all the red-clad
activity at Memorial Stadium on Saturday. However, one
glance at the thermometer (and the roster) made a Loon
wonder if things had recoiled a bit. But while the
temperatures were cold, the Huskers were red- and
white-hot, giving every Armchair Solich in the state
off-season fodder for plenty of heated debates this
A few takes:
BEANIE BABY: In front of the stadium before the game,
fans toured Al Neuharth's Newseum display, which
featured famous front pages from the 20th Century.
Featured prominently was a banner headline from the
1920s about women gaining the right to vote. Inspired
by this, Cornhusker track sprinter KaLena "Beanie"
Barnes made a little news herself by becoming the first
chick to kick for the Big Red. Her 35-yard punt in the
fourth quarter injected some life into the game, even
if the shanked end-over-ender was about as impressive
as Rosie O'Donnell in a thong bikini. Frankly, I hope
Beanie makes the squad. I also hope some dudes now try
out for Terry Petit's old team, too. Title IX rocks!
THUNDER STRUCK: He's never played a down for the
Huskers. He's never even suited up and hasn't even
gotten his mouthpiece fitted yet. Yet the hottest
autograph at Saturday's game was the John Hancock of
one Thunder Collins, who spent most of the second half
surrounded by a vicious mob that would make Tony
Soprano envious. It's unclear what put him in such high
demand -- A) The hype surrounding his arrival on
campus, or B) that "Shogun" hairstyle he was sporting,
which was slicker than Bill Clinton covered in Castrol.
Hopefully, Thunder will soon be slicing, Shogun-Style,
through opposing defenses this fall.
BLAME CANADA: Another gentleman that was difficult to
miss out on the Killing Field was Patrick "Green Mile"
Kabongo. But the 6-6 freshman defender from Montreal,
Quebec -- who is so large that he alone is represented
by two seats in the U.S. House of Representatives --
showed his teammates that size doesn't matter. The
kid's got great speed, and he can read plays so quickly
that Oklahoma quarterback Josh Heupel already reported
hearing footsteps coming on Saturday.
GREEN DAY: OK, it wouldn't be a Husker game unless
there was a little second-guessing of the officials and
a lot of what-iffing. So, in that time-honored
tradition, here goes. Just exactly what is the rule
with the so-called "protective" green jersey? One play,
defenders were treating Joe Chrisman like he was a
sixth-grader -- i.e., a two-hand-touch-below-the-waist
tackle on the option. Next play, Vanden Bosch turns Joe
into a red and white pile of non-scholarship goo.
Speaking of which, the Whites got gypped on that
non-safety in the second quarter. It appeared the
momentum of the tackle forced Chrisman to hit his melon
on the north endzone's goal post.
THE BOTTOM LINE: Well, aside from Duke's elbow and
Randy Stella's stinger, the mighty Huskers made it
through Saturday's little exercise unscathed. Oh
Lord, maybe all-out, full-contract drills, not those
sissy non-contact ones, are the key to avoiding
devastative springtime injuries. In fact, I propose a
whole series of Spring Games, starting Jan. 10 and
ending, say, Aug. 29. That would turn the Huskers into
Iron Men and also would provide us football-hungry
Loons plenty of sustenance over the long, hot summer
months. But that's not to say that this game won't give
everyone enough to chew on at least until -- well,
it'll have to do until San Jose State comes to town. So
let's all Simonize our watches and start the countdown
... the aforementioned Spartan bloodbath is a mere 142
days away. Ready, set, GO! Nebraska 52, San
Jose State 12.
Baud to the Bone. Play Infuriating Husker Trivia in THE
Nebraska's RED CLAD LOON.