H U S K E R D A N
LETTERS TO DEAR
("She's the voice of reason
during the football season.")
Rosie has provided valuable advice for Husker fans for over 50
years. She's getting on in years, but she's still as sharp as ever.
Please welcome her to Huskerpedia.
You've got to help
me. Me and my buddy have been buying season tickets from a mutual
friend for like the past 10 years. (The dude's had money problems
and we didn't want him to lose his tickets, so we
"volunteered"-wink-wink to take his tickets.) Every spring he sends
us a bill and we send him a check for the face value and for ten years,
those little suckers have arrived each August. And this year, we
started calling the dude in about January (not about tickets-after all he is-or
was- a friend). We left voice messages during the week, on
weekends, holidays etc. He never returned any calls. We're 3 games
into the season and have no clue what happened. What should we
Barn Door, NE
Oh dear, what a sad story!
Aunt Rosie is assuming you didn't leave any nasty messages on his answering
machine, key his brand new car or put a "Vote For Al Gore" sign in his front
yard. If you didn't do any of that, perhaps he just wanted to use the
tickets himself, or he may have found buyers who would pay him more than you two
cheap bastards were willing to pay. Unfortunately, It looks like
you're SOL for this season, Miles. Well, I guess there's always
Tony Soprano. Knees do break from time to time. Oh dear, I don't
believe I just said that. Good luck, dearie.
tired hearing all the Jammal Lord bashing that's been going around by
these so-called Husker fans. I mean, the think they know so much.
Well, if they did, why aren't they coaching the team? Did they ever think
of that? No, I'll bet not. Most of them probably never even played
the game. Anyways, I think they should shut up and let Lord get some
experience. All he needs is just a chance to show that he can be as
good as any qb we've ever had. He's going to get better as the season
goes. Mark my word. Am I right, or what?
Oh my, ol' Rosie was
born at night, but not last night. Did it ever occur to you that all those
people just might be right? Dear little Jammykins has started the last 17
games at quarterback for the Huskers, right? Ever since
he's been the starter, my liquor bill has shot through the roof.
Will Jammal get better? Maybe. But you have to ask
yourself, what are the chances of that happening? It's like my
sister, Josie always used to say, "If you throw a rock in a lake, you might hit
a fish." Good luck, dearie.
out! You gotta help me. It's my husband. He's about to drive
me bonkers. He's gone off the deep end with this Big Red stuff. I
like the Huskers and all that, but I'm starting to dread football
season more and more each year. At first it was okay. He'd wear his
#7 Husker jersey, watch the games on TV, get sauced and yell and scream
bloody murder when Mike Grant would plunk one to a defender, or when Mickey
Joseph couldn't grip the frickin' ball because his hands were too little, or
when Osborne would go with a trap play on third and 5 that would always get
stuffed for no gain.
It's bad enough
that he's painted our house red. Now we have a red roof for
cripes sake! Both our cars are red with GO BIG RED personalized
plates. Our mailbox is red and says CU SUX on the side. He's
dyed his hair red, drinks beer with tomato juice in it-buys nothing but red
wine. He even has an autographed picture of Jarvis Redwine hanging over
his wine closet. He subscribes to Redbook magazine (he's a guy,
mind you), doesn't even read the damn things. When we go
on trips, we have to stay at Red Roof Inns. We chew Big Red gum. Our
two kids are named Husker and Power. Our dog's named Tommie and
our stupid frickin' cat is L'il Red. Larry (not his real
name) just had this big ass flag pole plopped in our
front yard at a cost that would make Bill Byrne cringe. And holy cripes,
the flag is the about the size of Rode Island. He painted the driveway
red. RED! Crimanettly!!! Who has a red freakin' driveway,
anyways?!!! Our kids get picked on in school. So now what does my
goofball husband want to do next? He's after me to dye MY hair
red. He said it would help our marriage! Can you believe
that!!! Anyways, what should I do?
Barn Door, North
Land sakes, I almost swallowed my dentures on
this one! If Aunt Rosie gets this straight, your husband is
a big Husker fan who has a lot of fun and wants to strengthen his
relationship with you by including you in his hobby. He thinks enough
of you that he doesn't want to experience Husker Fever all by himself. So
he's a little wacky and may go overboard once in a while, but who cares?
He's just a red-blooded, I should say Big Red-blooded football fan.
Cut him some slack. Cut the crap, grab the
Clairol and shut up. Good luck, dearie.
I've been reading
your column since I was a little girl and never thought I'd be writing, but,
well, here I am. I'm getting married next year to a wonderful man.
We both like quiet walks on the beach, cozy fireplaces, Kenny G albums.
We're of the same faith, race and age. We both have nice jobs and make
lots of money. We both want kids. He's good looking, has a nice bod,
doesn't drink or smoke. He's kind to his mother. We both like movies
and books. We both do volunteer work. So what's my problem, if all
that is so peachy? The problem is, he's a graduate of the University of
Colorado and is a huge Buffalo fan and I'm a rabid Husker fan. I mean, my
daddy, my grandfather and my great grandfather all played for the Big
Red. He wants to decorate our family room all in the Black and Gold
and have posters of Chuck Fairbanks, Bill McCartney, Rick Neuheisel,
and to top it off, he wants to hang his autographed picture of Gary
Barnett over our fireplace! My parents will keel over when they
see all this Buffalo crap splattered all over our house. I don't know what
to do. What do you think I should do? I'm at wit's
Oh my, what
a case! Well, dearie, this is what you get for dating out of your
"religion". Aunt Rosie can accept differences in religion, creed, color,
ethnic and economic backgrounds, age differences, political differences, height
differences, geographical differences, but a Cornhusker tying up with a Buffalo
fan is, well, more than ol' Aunt Rosie can take. She's taken the last of
her nitroglycerine tablets, so she'll have to set a spell after this one.
Who cares if he man has money, looks, charm, education, a great body and
all that? You have to ask yourself, how would you raise your kids?
To be Buffalo fans? Grow up with Gary Barnett pictures in THEIR family
rooms. Oh my, Aunt Rosie's glad she has 911 on her speed
You must do what's best
for your future children dearie. Send that Barnett-loving SOB on his
way. You'll thank me later. And so will your grandkids. Good