H U S K E R D A N
A car pulls up to a
banner-lined lot with a sign over a flat-roofed building that
says:
"BIG AL'S KAR
KING EMPORIUM"
Below it is
the company's slogan:
"If you buy a car from us, you'd buy one
from anybody!"
The figure gets out of his
car and is met by one of Big Al's henchmen.
"So howyadoin'
taday?" the salesman asks.
"Not
bad", the man replies. "I need a new vehicle real
bad."
"Well, pal, you've come to
the right place. The name's Earl. What's
yours?"
"You don't know my
name?"
"Hmmm, I'm just guessing,
Shorty?"
"Ahh, no. Just call
me Frank."
"What kind of a machine you
lookin' for, Mr. Frank?"
"Frank is my first
name."
"Whatever."
"The one I
have just doesn't have enough ummph anymore. I need one
that can be taken on long drives to places like Texas, Colorado and
Missouri and can go all the way. Something that can pass when we have to,
something that'll work when we're in a rush, something that doesn't run out
of gas late in the day, something that will go an entire
season and won't stall. I almost lost my job last year
because of the dog I have".
"I see. Well,
today's your lucky day! Have I got the car for you! We just
got this baby on a trade-in. She's a real beaut. It's a 2003 Big Red
O-mobile."
"No offense, but, without
question, at this point in time, it looks exactly like my 2002
O-mobile."
"Ahh, but this one's new
and improved. Take her for a test drive and you'll see. They don't
call us the Kar King for nothing."
*********************************************************************************
"Well, how'd you like her,
Mr. Frank?"
"It's Frank, just plain
Frank".
"Right."
"Well, when I was going
down hill, the car went okay, but when there was any kind of a resistance,
it would bog down, sputter and almost kill. And then when I tried to
pass, it just wouldn't go. And another thing, the tires are almost
bald. This one's as bad, if not worse than the one I
have."
"Ooops, my fault. I
forgot. What was I thinking! This baby's scheduled for an
overhaul, a tune-up, and it's gonna get four brand-spankin' new tires. Two
of best men will be all over it today. Trust me on this
one. When do you need it?"
"I could have used
it last Saturday but I really need it by September 13th. Can you
have it fixed by then?"
"No prob-blame-o.
These things take time, but you can trust me on this one".
"Actually, I'll probably
need two vehicles. What else you got?"
"We just got this little
cream puff in on a trade last week. We got this from Green Bay, I
think. A real macho car, if you know what I mean. It's an Italian
SUV, a 2003 Bo-mobile, series D. This baby is fast, lean and
mean. Maybe it's not sexy, but this sucker has 4 wheel drive, all wheel
drive, 20" wheels, cruise, Global positioning, the works. It has a tow bar
if your other vehicle gets stuck. Even comes with a
snowplow. This puppy will bail you out every time, in any kind
of weather. You'll never get stuck or run off the road with this
baby!"
"How much does it
cost?"
"Cost, Schmawhst!
We're talkin' value, pal. Value!"
"How
much?"
"I'll tell ya what, since
you're a nice guy, I'll let ya have both of 'em for two hundred grand.
How's that? Deals like this just don't happen every day, Mr.
Frank".
"It's plain
Frank."
"Whatever. We gotta
deal?"
"I guess so. So
you'll have the O-mobile ready by the 13th?"
"Right. You can trust
me on this one, Mr. Frank."
You can
write Husker Dan at [email protected]